I feel as though I have just been introduced to the love of my life. Despite sleepiness and the twinge of fear, I am as giddy as a girl who just got back from a date with the man she is going to marry.
But the stirring in my soul is not void of doubt. I wonder, am I fit for the task? Do I have what it takes?Am I talented enough, is my heart big enough, my will strong enough? But even as I ask these questions, the answer is clear.
No.
No, I am not enough. I will never be capable of accomplishing the task written on my heart… but I was never meant to be.
I am as fallible as Eve, as finite as any human ever was. But I am redeemed Eve. And I know that what I proclaim is not myself, but Jesus Christ as Lord. I have been given incomprehensible and undefeatable power and I hold it close like treasure, here within my jar of clay. The power is not mine, but I have been chosen to display it in all its glory.
“Am I enough?” is the wrong question. I do not aim for personal success or security, or even happiness, if I did, I might be enough on the occasional good day. Rather I aim for Jesus—to know him and be known by him; to love him with every fiber of my heart and soul and to obey. I want be entrusted with much within the Kingdom of God and I know I am not qualified for the task. But I am equipped, equipped with all the fullness of God, with a power and a peace that surpasses all reason and human understanding.
He is always enough.
There is no need to waste my time contemplating my abilities and measuring them against the success and failures of others, such shallow endeavors will always leave me unstable and wanting. Rather I will fix my eyes on my One True Love and follow Him with wild abandon. Across stormy waters, through broods of vipers, and to the ends of the earth I will follow Him.
Thank you Jesus for patiently pursuing my heart and compelling me to plunge deeper into your glory than I ever knew was possible. You are my everything.
Tonight I will sleep in peace for you are always enough (and I will probably dream of Africa).
Sitting under a diverse canopy of trees, I look up and smile to myself at a bird perched among the branches. Her song seems to harmonize with the laughter of children in the distance. Breathing in the flavor of the sun and marveling at the beauty of the world around me, I feel my heart expand and inhale deeply as my soul whispers, “how can such beauty still exist?”
My mind wanders to the intricate detail of the plants and creatures about me and on this particular morning, they all seem to sing the same song, the song of the artist who first composed their design. It’s a song of mercy, a song of promise, a song of love.
What if the artist had painted a different picture, wrote another lyric, sculpted the reality we deserve? I begin to contemplate for the first time: What if God had responded differently to the fall of man? What if instead of seeking the fallen and allowing them to reveal their own shame, He had simply caused the ground to quake and the skies to strike out in anger? What if God had forcefully driven Adam and Eve from Eden in one terrifying instant? What if beauty or love or peace or joy were never to be experienced again? What God had commanded the earth to open up and swallow humanity into a hopeless black existence? What if we could never sit under the shade of a giant oak, or stop to smell the flowers?
Suddenly I am aware, how merciful is our God. His love never left, not for one moment. We break His heart, betray Him, defile His name, and still He loves. Just as He blesses us with flowers among weeds, so has He planted Hope within a curse (Genesis 3:15). God’s beauty is revealed around us in a thousand ways—small glimpses into the fullness of Him, promises of redemption. His mercy stands ready to be received.
Even when lies rob us of peace and the world looks gray before us, turn your face toward Him. He is the creator of beauty. Trust in His song of promise, you will not find it hallow.
I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach—a yearning taking shape, calling out a purpose planted in me sense the beginning of time. Like a distant song from the heavens that beckons me toward something, I feel powerfully compelled toward the pursuit of some divine truth. I know not what lies at the end of this pilgrimage, nor do I know the details of how to get there.
But I do know that to not embark on this journey would be a deliberate choice toward death. I am a new soul upon this earth, still discovering the layers of my own created character. I do not claim to have anything figured out. I have very little life experience on which to draw my own conclusions.
But I am a dreamer. I contemplate life and truth, culture and religion. I ponder issues of cause and effect; imagine distant worlds and invisible Kingdoms. I struggle to live out the here and now, to put theory into practice. But I know I must not stop when frustration billows, I must not cease when potential looks bleak or circumstance impossible.
I journey out on this pilgrimage not out of curiosity or ambition, but out of the necessity to join creation in the adoration, wonder, and exploration of her Creator. I journey because I was created in the image of our Creator and I seek to understand the fullness and depth of such a truth.
I am not satisfied with the comfortable mundane. I am not satisfied with the pursuit of success, or achievement, or even happiness. I was made for more. You were made for more. The King is waiting to bestow something far greater than the reward of happiness on those who respond to the song. Journey with me, won’t you?
*(Photo titled The Viens in your Heart by TheLonelyPixel on Etsy)
Humans are a ghostly comparison to the real humanity we could be. We are like a bride who has turned from her love and prostituted herself to the world. It is only in our reuniting with our first love that our eyes are opened again to the gift of life and the beauty of everything around us that is filled with the very glory of God. It is in this beholding that the beauty of the bride is restored to her, and the ghosts upon the earth are able to become more alive.
Homemade Stockings have been a Christmas Tradition in my home ever since I can remember (mine is the one with the pretty little tree). I have such a talented Mama.
Today my baby sister took a sick day from school. She spent the morning curled up on the couch in her cozy pink pajamas, watching American Girl movies. Half way though the movie, she went into my room and climbed up on my shelf, and retrieved an old tiara of mine. She placed it a top her cute little blond bob and with a nod that seemed to say, the missing piece was now in place, she went back to the living room and plopped herself down to watch the rest of the movie. It was a simple moment, but beautiful and full of Truth. Even feeling as sick as she was, that little princess knew that she is, in fact, a princess. I love that. I feel that as grown-ups, we women are all quick to forget who we really are, we forget who God created us to be. We are princesses. Every last one of us. Each of us are beautiful; deep-down-soulful-touch-another’s-heart beautiful. We just forget sometimes. We let the world and the enemy and whoever else whisper lies about our identity and our worth. Eventually we choose to believe the lies, we become convinced that the worse is true. Lets change our course today and choose to seek the truth with our whole hearts. Seek the King, and let him remind you that you were created beautiful, that you are valued because you are loved, and that you are a princess.
